Those were the days before he started liking girls…
Dude standing next to a Bugatti Veron to Puspakom inspector, in Canto: Uncle Lim! How’s everything?
Uncle Lim: Not bad lor…
Dude, eying the Bugatti: This car more not bad ler..
Uncle Lim, cheekily: Dream on lar!! This car not suit you one… more suit James Bond. When James Bond was running around, you not born yet!!
Dude: Hey! Don’t look down on me ley! I played sand with James Bond when we’re little kids ok!
–Puspakom Wangsa Maju
Every job has its own perils…. even the ones you get used to eventually
[roughly translated from chinese]
Middle-aged Housewife, flatly: if he dallied Indon girls then i don’t care la, but these are girls from China wor…
Ah Poh: Hmph!
Middle-aged Housewife, continues: these china girls are heartless one la, later cheat all the money how?
*Ah Poh nods gravely*
Middle-aged Housewife: That time went KL with the friends think I dunno meh? Brought the girls along also ma.. go liao come back still want to call them! *disgusted*
Ah Poh: tsk tsk..
Middle-aged Auntie: so i scolded him about how china girls are smarter at cheating money then went upstairs on aircon n slept.
(… continues to diff subject)
–KL
Headline: Cake analogies killed again
Salesman No1, to other salesmen: Do you know when is accounts handing over my XYZ commission for April ah?
Salesman No2: Ceh!! Got such a big cake already no need to bother about that little bit of sand lah!
Sales Manager: Still money mah..
General Sales Manager, cuts in: Nooo.. such a big cake but still want the STRAWBERRYYYY. *winks*
Salesman No1: I don’t mind that much lar if they don’t give me that….
Salesman No3: Man, don’t bother about that already lar. Got your big cake already.. hehe
Salesman No1: You guys don’t understand, man. The cake is big but everyone knows the nicest part is … [together with General Sales Manager] THE STRAWBERRRYYYYYY!!!
–The Curve
Nothing like a bad stomachache from the feast of butchered languages
[after discussing how to type chinese words into Wordpress]
29 May 08, 12:13 AM
naeboo: so mafan
29 May 08, 12:14 AM
naeboo: wanna do chinese words need to go forum copy paste
29 May 08, 12:14 AM
naeboo: diao
29 May 08, 12:14 AM
afro: @boo: y dun u teach him instead?
29 May 08, 12:15 AM
naeboo: teach him what
29 May 08, 12:15 AM
afro: teach him how to curse
29 May 08, 12:16 AM
ck: he copy cursing word nia
29 May 08, 12:17 AM
naeboo: oh
29 May 08, 12:17 AM
ck: actually if know pin yin… no need the program to read out also lar
29 May 08, 12:17 AM
naeboo: why alw kena the teach ppl how to curse request one
29 May 08, 12:17 AM
naeboo: thats why lazy mah. i alw pinyin or type out the chinese parts ald
29 May 08, 12:17 AM
naeboo: lazy
29 May 08, 12:18 AM
ck: if dunno chinese, better just use the english chinese translation program lo
29 May 08, 12:18 AM
ck: http://translate.google.com/translate_t
29 May 08, 12:18 AM
naeboo: lei lou muo bei yann garn deep deep been gao charsiew lou shu fun
29 May 08, 12:18 AM
naeboo: ck>>is it better than babel?
29 May 08, 12:18 AM
Dodo: boo.. wat does that mean
29 May 08, 12:18 AM
Dodo: mix?
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
naeboo: ur mother kena rape deep deep become a piece of charsiew loushu fun
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: garn is mandarin lah
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: ho lang garn
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
naeboo: sorry .. i was thinking of chee cheong fan
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: ops… hokkien
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
ck: ho* kiong garn geh garn
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Dodo: jeez man! my canto sucks!
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
naeboo: bei yan garn= give ppl rape not canto meh
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: oh
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: garn meaning the rape
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: okok
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
afro: i’m hungry after hearin chucheongfun n charsiu
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
ck: gam dou ngum sek
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Dodo: i thought raped = kiong gan
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: i thought its the hokkien… ho lang garn
29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: that garn
29 May 08, 12:20 AM
ck: SAT BAI
29 May 08, 12:20 AM
ck: that’s gan
29 May 08, 12:20 AM
Chee Hoe: sat bai chi chung gei sut bai!
29 May 08, 12:20 AM
Dodo: hong rou gan? <--- adrian.. u've been thinking about food heh
29 May 08, 12:20 AM
afro: sat pai jing sat pai
29 May 08, 12:20 AM
ck: shit… not hong rou kan lar
29 May 08, 12:20 AM
as: lol?
29 May 08, 12:20 AM
Chee Hoe: ya lah different
29 May 08, 12:20 AM
ck: ho* lang gan
29 May 08, 12:21 AM
Dodo: okok.. come again.. im confused
29 May 08, 12:21 AM
ck: also known as bei yan diu
29 May 08, 12:21 AM
afro: get a wong lou kat instead
29 May 08, 12:21 AM
naeboo: bei yann garn is better ma
29 May 08, 12:21 AM
Chee Hoe: but bo* swear word too cute to be swearing
29 May 08, 12:21 AM
naeboo: EEEEEEEEEE
29 May 08, 12:21 AM
Dodo: LOL
29 May 08, 12:21 AM
naeboo: why ppl alw laugh when i swear oneeeeeeeeeeeee
29 May 08, 12:21 AM
Dodo: CUTE?! WTF
29 May 08, 12:21 AM
afro: hor lang gan is in hokkien
29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Chee Hoe: yeah lah…. way cute to sound as if its swearing
29 May 08, 12:22 AM
naeboo: machaohaipukitianganjingkerbaubabipangangmatiterkangkanggggg
29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Dodo: yeah.. of all the comments u left over the forum.. i had a good laugh at it . boo
29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Chee Hoe: i know a thai word
29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Dodo: wait.. i need a time to get wat she said
29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Chee Hoe: lam pa pit liao = the shop is closed
29 May 08, 12:22 AM
ck: hahahaha
29 May 08, 12:22 AM
afro: wah, mus u include balls, CH?
29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Dodo: wait…
29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Dodo: wat anjing kerbau babi pangang mati terkangkang
29 May 08, 12:23 AM
ck: nick lan pa pak bo liao
29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Dodo: front i cant get it
29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Chee Hoe: afro… in thai thats really what it mean leh
29 May 08, 12:23 AM
naeboo: lampah pangang?
29 May 08, 12:23 AM
naeboo: machaohai pukitiang
29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Chee Hoe: machaohai pukitiang
29 May 08, 12:23 AM
afro: oh, isit? nvr heard of it
29 May 08, 12:23 AM
naeboo: ohhh
29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Chee Hoe: machaohai is frangrant ham chin peng
29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Dodo: hahahahaha
29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Dodo: i cant stop laughing
29 May 08, 12:23 AM
naeboo: hahahahahha
29 May 08, 12:23 AM
afro: wats nex? lam pa boh laio = shop opens nex week?
29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Dodo: lam pah pak lang <--- ds one leh
29 May 08, 12:26 AM
afro: lam pah diok gum = shop sellin sausage
29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Chee Hoe: lampah duah teh is new tea bag in thailand
29 May 08, 12:26 AM
naeboo: diao
29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Chee Hoe: wah sei… lam pah eh pak lang?
29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Dodo: hahahaha
29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Dodo: lppl mah
29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Chee Hoe: the shop owner beat up who?
29 May 08, 12:26 AM
naeboo: lampah pak kiu= football shop
29 May 08, 12:26 AM
afro: pak lang eh lam pah = pak lang’s shop
29 May 08, 12:26 AM
ck: kiong gan lar…
29 May 08, 12:26 AM
ck: hahahaha
29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Chee Hoe: new translation
29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Dodo: QOTD
29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Dodo: hahaha
29 May 08, 12:27 AM
afro: lampah boh kiu = lost package
29 May 08, 12:27 AM
ck: wrong
29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Chee Hoe: tiu chee pet = “throw a pen” in Cantonese
29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Dodo: lam pah kiu jui <--- ds one leh
29 May 08, 12:27 AM
ck: lampah boh kiu = N!CK
29 May 08, 12:27 AM
naeboo: lampah dio kah=shop having super salesss!!
29 May 08, 12:28 AM
Dodo: boo.. hahahaha
29 May 08, 12:28 AM
afro: lam pah boh jui
29 May 08, 12:28 AM
afro: water rationing
29 May 08, 12:28 AM
Dodo: kiu jui <--- shrink lah
29 May 08, 12:28 AM
naeboo: lampah boh jui= shop no toilet
29 May 08, 12:28 AM
Dodo: lam pah kiu jiu <--- bankrupt?
29 May 08, 12:28 AM
afro: then u cant visit the restroom
29 May 08, 12:28 AM
Chee Hoe: lampah uu jui = shop toilet overflowing
29 May 08, 12:29 AM
afro: lam pah doh liao = bankrupt
29 May 08, 12:29 AM
Dodo: lam pah sey tang
29 May 08, 12:29 AM
naeboo: lampah seh leh= quaint kampung shop
29 May 08, 12:29 AM
Chee Hoe: diu chi pet
29 May 08, 12:30 AM
naeboo: lampah sii ley= shop opened for franchise applications!
29 May 08, 12:30 AM
afro: CH, y u kept throwin pen?
29 May 08, 12:30 AM
naeboo: =[4 biji]
29 May 08, 12:30 AM
Ren: booo: quote all!!! put at coffeeshop!!! HAHAHA
29 May 08, 12:30 AM
CheeHoe is DUMB: cheehoe, eff off.
29 May 08, 12:30 AM
Dodo: yeah.. thats funny enough
29 May 08, 12:30 AM
Chee Hoe: afro : a lot of pen over here
29 May 08, 12:30 AM
Ren: some 1 open thread n put all in XD
29 May 08, 12:30 AM
afro: i c
29 May 08, 12:30 AM
sherry: omg.. hahahahhahahahhahaha
29 May 08, 12:30 AM
afro: how big r they?
29 May 08, 12:31 AM
Michael: sherry: why OMG?
29 May 08, 12:31 AM
Chee Hoe: afro : various sizes
29 May 08, 12:31 AM
afro: can u send them to MARS?
29 May 08, 12:31 AM
Chee Hoe: actually language is such wonderful things
29 May 08, 12:31 AM
naeboo: lampah jii liap= single shop operation
29 May 08, 12:31 AM
Chee Hoe: like ching ching = cheers in spanish
29 May 08, 12:31 AM
afro: oh wait, NASA did that, y dun usend them to venus instead
29 May 08, 12:31 AM
sherry: mike: cz i just LOL-ed in front of my dad who thinks im crazy laughing alone…
29 May 08, 12:32 AM
Michael: sherry: LOL.. what’s new ? LOL …
29 May 08, 12:32 AM
Ren: dodo: faster go open thread XD
29 May 08, 12:32 AM
Michael: imagine those of us that’s at work… :p staffs/colleagues see that happening everyday
29 May 08, 12:32 AM
Dodo: LOL
29 May 08, 12:32 AM
afro: well sherry, tell ur dad u belong to the happy institution
29 May 08, 12:32 AM
naeboo: duah seh lampah= parent shop with smaller outlet
29 May 08, 12:33 AM
naeboo: lampah lampah= gay sex shop
29 May 08, 12:33 AM
sherry: cz i’ve been hving mood swings all day. and i think my mum think’s ‘ve gone mad.. wahahhaa
29 May 08, 12:33 AM
naeboo: HAHAHAHAHAH
29 May 08, 12:33 AM
Dodo: hahahaha
29 May 08, 12:33 AM
Ren: ROTFLMAO WTF!!!
29 May 08, 12:33 AM
naeboo: KEKEKEKEKEKEK
29 May 08, 12:33 AM
afro: mad is gud
29 May 08, 12:33 AM
naeboo: : D
29 May 08, 12:33 AM
Dodo: i cant stop laughin.. fuck.. i need to control!
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: HAHAHAHAHA
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
afro: :3
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: i senyum kambing
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: blame boo!
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Ren: boo: faster leh, open a thread n put in it XD
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: *whacks *
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: lazy lar
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: i need to go sleep ald
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
afro: ya, dun laugh till u pee
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: u copy la
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Michael: *yawns* *leans on Dodo’s chest and sleep*
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Ren: ok…
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Ren: dodo do it la, dodo free :p
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: lampah phi phi= island shop
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: HAHAHAHa
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: cheh..
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: u do lah
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Ren: ….
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: lampah wat? WTF!
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: HAHAHAHA..
29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Chee Hoe: lampah bo lampah = sex change hospital
29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Dodo: boo.. u shd sleep d.
29 May 08, 12:35 AM
naeboo: phi phi island in thailand u dont knw meh
29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Ren: boo: roger XD
29 May 08, 12:35 AM
naeboo: it started from there mah.. ho* started to translate thai for us
29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Dodo: *fans herself ..*
29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Dodo: HAHAHAHA
29 May 08, 12:35 AM
naeboo: ===>the beautiful thai language
29 May 08, 12:35 AM
afro: lam pah jin kui = sex change operation xpensive
29 May 08, 12:35 AM
sherry: omg boo! stop!!! LMAO.. i’m already hving stomach cramps and ur making it worse ><
29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Chee Hoe: krabi lampah = crab island
29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Michael: lam lam pah pah
29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Ren: ?
29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Ren: wat title shud i put? “DEFINITIONS of LAMPAH”
29 May 08, 12:36 AM
afro: i think kenny’s post has phiphi island review
29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Chee Hoe: i started off as a real thai word lah
29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Chee Hoe: mana tau the kscb language all come out
29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: as usual lar
29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Dodo: boo beautified everything.. LOL
29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: alw got one.. this is the less funny one ald
29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: im not even lol
29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: im not even lol-ing
29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Dodo: alright.. sleep now..
29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: i also
29 May 08, 12:36 AM
afro: gudnite
29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: tata
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: nite guys .
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
sherry: Dodo: boo beautified everything.. LOL <-- she's my idol!!!
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Chee Hoe: nitey
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
afro: i’ll wait 4 everyone to KO
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
aclj87: *struggling to maintain self-control… must not have second jelly donut!*
29 May 08, 12:38 AM
aclj87: nah some asian bakery lol
29 May 08, 12:38 AM
aclj87: was waaaaaay too early for work so went shopping
29 May 08, 12:38 AM
naeboo: i cant even speak hokkien
29 May 08, 12:39 AM
aclj87: and craved sugar more than i craved for sex
29 May 08, 12:39 AM
Dodo: boo.. nvm.. lets have the hakka version
29 May 08, 12:39 AM
naeboo: okies lampah kee kunn liao
29 May 08, 12:39 AM
ck: now u can curse in hokkien d
29 May 08, 12:39 AM
Michael: aclj: is it nice? LOL … how was the texture/ take a bite and see
29 May 08, 12:39 AM
Dodo: HAHAHA.. lampah kee kun… shrink d huh
29 May 08, 12:39 AM
Michael: craved for sugar more than sex? that’s bad wei
29 May 08, 12:39 AM
afro: gudnite boo
29 May 08, 12:39 AM
aclj87: :D
29 May 08, 12:39 AM
naeboo: lampah kee kunn=shop change shift
29 May 08, 12:39 AM
afro: bad 4 health
29 May 08, 12:39 AM
afro: at least sex burn sugar
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: lampah ding teh= shop closed for the nite
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: HAHAHAHAH
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: BOOOOOOOOOOOO
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: enough. tats enough
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: : D
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Chee Hoe: i thought thats “lampah wong fei hung”?
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: mwah
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
sherry: nites dodoa n boo
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Michael: aclj: krispy kreme?
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
steph k: goin 2 bed now
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
aclj87: michael, i wish
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
steph k: nanitez all
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: my hokkien also not that bad eh
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: taaaaaa
29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: no no no..
29 May 08, 12:38 AM
afro: haha, everyone is goin KO
29 May 08, 12:38 AM
Dodo: leave that for tmr… boo .. go sleep
29 May 08, 12:38 AM
sherry: nites stephy!!!!!! mwahs~
29 May 08, 12:38 AM
afro: ur hokkien is superb
29 May 08, 12:38 AM
steph k: lol
29 May 08, 12:38 AM
steph k: nanites
29 May 08, 12:38 AM
Michael: alli: then? j-co?
29 May 08, 12:40 AM
Chee Hoe: hakka…. i only know…. “anyong tou chor mm tet….anyong hair tiu che pet”
29 May 08, 12:40 AM
afro: then how bout lam pah boh eng?
29 May 08, 12:40 AM
Michael: lam pah pet pet
29 May 08, 12:41 AM
afro: lam pah nen nen
29 May 08, 12:42 AM
afro: oh,that chat dieoffd
29 May 08, 12:42 AM
afro: too bad
29 May 08, 12:42 AM
Michael: afro killed the CB
Denial, the other food group
Woman on cell: Ah, apa nak makan malam nih?
[pause]
Pancake tu bukan makanan!!
–Midvalley The Gardens
Proof that inter-state culture shock do happen even amongst literate people
Girl, nonchalantly: I’m going to KK this weekend. What do you want from there?
Himbo: Nothin’.
Girl, muttering: I wonder if I will be tired flying there for 2hours.
Himbo: What??! KK is like, 2hours’ drive from here. Why do you need to fly over? Geez.
Girl: KK is across the ocean. What you mean no need to fly over?
Himbo: What KK are we talking about here? Not Kuala Kangsar meh?
Girl, rolls eyes: I don’t think people EVEN refer to Kuala Kangsar as KK.
Himbo: Well.. I DO! *whimpers* At least, from where I come from!
–Bangsar
You heard one cover version, you heard them all
Teenage Boy No1: Eh? The umbrella girl???
Teenage Boy No2: Yep..
Teenage Boy No1, earnestly: To be honest, I don’t think she got any talent AT ALL….
Passerby Dude to girlfriend: Wow.. that’s pretty bitchy for a pimply teenage boy to say about Marie Digby.
–One Utama
Note to self: Always know your target market and start with the most ah beng obvious choice first
[Dudes discussing booking hotel room for Missy Elliott concert in Genting]
Ah Beng Dude to friend, on cell: Want meh……? rm300 a night worrr!! Usual room rate is only rm150 lah!! Don’t lar!!
Friend: If Nirvana, you go or not?
Ah Beng Dude: I don’t listen to Nirvana geh.
Friend: Urm.. Incubus???
Dude: No. Don’t listen.
Friend: Jay Chow?
Ah Beng Dude, excitedly: JAY CHOW OF COURSE LARH!!! 600 ALSO I PAY ARHHHH!!!!! KNS
–Subang
Everyone knows that cornflakes is to be blamed for cereal killers…
[Two salesgirls discussing how to divide their responsibilities and commission]
Salesgirl No1, in broken English: Ok ah??? You agree? I don’t want any cornflaks ok?
Salesgirl No2, confused: What cornflakes?
Salesgirl No1: Cornflaks arh!! CORNFLAKS!!! So we dun argue later ok?
Salesgirl No2: Conflict ah????? -______________________________-” I almost offered you Koko Krunch….
–KL
Last-minute warnings are still valid unless stated otherwise
Chick offering wasabi chips to friend: Try this. Damn zeng.
*Blur Guy grabs a handful*
Chick with chips: It’s quite kao, so don’t eat too many in one g…
Blur Guy stuffs chips into face then halted: Wahh… chee kek. *facepalm*
–KL