Or simply, Mr Luckypants 2000(tm)

Man, to date: Do you know that the GM for One World Hotel is called Ho Hoy Sum?
Perky date: Oh, really??
Man: Seriously, if I’m a GM for a famous hotel on top of the drugssexandrockn’roll vice capital of Malaysia *I would rename myself* Ho Hoy Sum!! :P

-Ampang Park LRT

Brings a new meaning to the “shalalalala love you in the morning” song, eh?

4 salarymen at lunch:-

Salaryman #1, to expat colleague: Since you’re going to stay in Malaysia, or even Singapore, you really need to know how to use the word “lah”.
Salaryman #2: Yeah, and you need to learn to say it with the proper intonation too.
Expat colleague: How useful? What, like when you’re having sex and you scream “LAH!!!!” ??.

The other 3 spurting their drinks out of their nose.

-Jalan Ipoh mamak

Malaysian 3rd Newton Law: To every action there is a bigger force from an opposite direction

Teenager, waiting for train: I don’t understand why people have to push to get into the train before the inside people get out.
Friend, disinterested: Uh-hmm..
Teenager: Exactly! You let people get out first so you can get in. It’s simple physics!!

-LRT KLCC

If we don’t shout like little girls during the match, can we hug afterwards??

Guy, to friend after watching Bride Wars with girlfriend, sighing in relief: Man, luckily we’re going to watch the MU match now or else it’d be damned hard to feel manly again after THAT movie!!

Those were the days before he started liking girls…

Dude standing next to a Bugatti Veron to Puspakom inspector, in Canto: Uncle Lim! How’s everything?

Uncle Lim: Not bad lor…

Dude, eying the Bugatti: This car more not bad ler..

Uncle Lim, cheekily: Dream on lar!! This car not suit you one… more suit James Bond. When James Bond was running around, you not born yet!!

Dude: Hey! Don’t look down on me ley! I played sand with James Bond when we’re little kids ok!

–Puspakom Wangsa Maju

Every job has its own perils…. even the ones you get used to eventually

[roughly translated from chinese]

Middle-aged Housewife, flatly: if he dallied Indon girls then i don’t care la, but these are girls from China wor…

Ah Poh: Hmph!

Middle-aged Housewife, continues: these china girls are heartless one la, later cheat all the money how?

*Ah Poh nods gravely*

Middle-aged Housewife: That time went KL with the friends think I dunno meh? Brought the girls along also ma.. go liao come back still want to call them! *disgusted*

Ah Poh: tsk tsk..

Middle-aged Auntie: so i scolded him about how china girls are smarter at cheating money then went upstairs on aircon n slept.
(… continues to diff subject)

–KL

Headline: Cake analogies killed again

Salesman No1, to other salesmen: Do you know when is accounts handing over my XYZ commission for April ah?

Salesman No2: Ceh!! Got such a big cake already no need to bother about that little bit of sand lah!

Sales Manager: Still money mah..

General Sales Manager, cuts in: Nooo.. such a big cake but still want the STRAWBERRYYYY. *winks*

Salesman No1: I don’t mind that much lar if they don’t give me that….

Salesman No3: Man, don’t bother about that already lar. Got your big cake already.. hehe

Salesman No1: You guys don’t understand, man. The cake is big but everyone knows the nicest part is … [together with General Sales Manager] THE STRAWBERRRYYYYYY!!!

–The Curve

Nothing like a bad stomachache from the feast of butchered languages

[after discussing how to type chinese words into Wordpress]

29 May 08, 12:13 AM
naeboo: so mafan

29 May 08, 12:14 AM
naeboo: wanna do chinese words need to go forum copy paste

29 May 08, 12:14 AM
naeboo: diao

29 May 08, 12:14 AM
afro: @boo: y dun u teach him instead?

29 May 08, 12:15 AM
naeboo: teach him what

29 May 08, 12:15 AM
afro: teach him how to curse

29 May 08, 12:16 AM
ck: he copy cursing word nia

29 May 08, 12:17 AM
naeboo: oh

29 May 08, 12:17 AM
ck: actually if know pin yin… no need the program to read out also lar

29 May 08, 12:17 AM
naeboo: why alw kena the teach ppl how to curse request one

29 May 08, 12:17 AM
naeboo: thats why lazy mah. i alw pinyin or type out the chinese parts ald

29 May 08, 12:17 AM
naeboo: lazy

29 May 08, 12:18 AM
ck: if dunno chinese, better just use the english chinese translation program lo

29 May 08, 12:18 AM
ck: http://translate.google.com/translate_t

29 May 08, 12:18 AM
naeboo: lei lou muo bei yann garn deep deep been gao charsiew lou shu fun

29 May 08, 12:18 AM
naeboo: ck>>is it better than babel?

29 May 08, 12:18 AM
Dodo: boo.. wat does that mean

29 May 08, 12:18 AM
Dodo: mix?

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
naeboo: ur mother kena rape deep deep become a piece of charsiew loushu fun

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: garn is mandarin lah

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: ho lang garn

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
naeboo: sorry .. i was thinking of chee cheong fan

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: ops… hokkien

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
ck: ho* kiong garn geh garn

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Dodo: jeez man! my canto sucks!

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
naeboo: bei yan garn= give ppl rape not canto meh

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: oh

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: garn meaning the rape

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: okok

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
afro: i’m hungry after hearin chucheongfun n charsiu

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
ck: gam dou ngum sek

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Dodo: i thought raped = kiong gan

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: i thought its the hokkien… ho lang garn

29 May 08, 12:19 AM
Chee Hoe: that garn

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
ck: SAT BAI

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
ck: that’s gan

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
Chee Hoe: sat bai chi chung gei sut bai!

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
Dodo: hong rou gan? <--- adrian.. u've been thinking about food heh

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
afro: sat pai jing sat pai

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
ck: shit… not hong rou kan lar

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
as: lol?

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
Chee Hoe: ya lah different

29 May 08, 12:20 AM
ck: ho* lang gan

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
Dodo: okok.. come again.. im confused

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
ck: also known as bei yan diu

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
afro: get a wong lou kat instead

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
naeboo: bei yann garn is better ma

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
Chee Hoe: but bo* swear word too cute to be swearing

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
naeboo: EEEEEEEEEE

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
Dodo: LOL

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
naeboo: why ppl alw laugh when i swear oneeeeeeeeeeeee

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
Dodo: CUTE?! WTF

29 May 08, 12:21 AM
afro: hor lang gan is in hokkien

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Chee Hoe: yeah lah…. way cute to sound as if its swearing

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
naeboo: machaohaipukitianganjingkerbaubabipangangmatiterkangkanggggg

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Dodo: yeah.. of all the comments u left over the forum.. i had a good laugh at it . boo

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Chee Hoe: i know a thai word

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Dodo: wait.. i need a time to get wat she said

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Chee Hoe: lam pa pit liao = the shop is closed

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
ck: hahahaha

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
afro: wah, mus u include balls, CH?

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Dodo: wait…

29 May 08, 12:22 AM
Dodo: wat anjing kerbau babi pangang mati terkangkang

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
ck: nick lan pa pak bo liao

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Dodo: front i cant get it

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Chee Hoe: afro… in thai thats really what it mean leh

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
naeboo: lampah pangang?

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
naeboo: machaohai pukitiang

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Chee Hoe: machaohai pukitiang

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
afro: oh, isit? nvr heard of it

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
naeboo: ohhh

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Chee Hoe: machaohai is frangrant ham chin peng

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Dodo: hahahahaha

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
Dodo: i cant stop laughing

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
naeboo: hahahahahha

29 May 08, 12:23 AM
afro: wats nex? lam pa boh laio = shop opens nex week?

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Dodo: lam pah pak lang <--- ds one leh

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
afro: lam pah diok gum = shop sellin sausage

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Chee Hoe: lampah duah teh is new tea bag in thailand

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
naeboo: diao

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Chee Hoe: wah sei… lam pah eh pak lang?

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Dodo: hahahaha

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Dodo: lppl mah

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
Chee Hoe: the shop owner beat up who?

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
naeboo: lampah pak kiu= football shop

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
afro: pak lang eh lam pah = pak lang’s shop

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
ck: kiong gan lar…

29 May 08, 12:26 AM
ck: hahahaha

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Chee Hoe: new translation

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Dodo: QOTD

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Dodo: hahaha

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
afro: lampah boh kiu = lost package

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
ck: wrong

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Chee Hoe: tiu chee pet = “throw a pen” in Cantonese

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
Dodo: lam pah kiu jui <--- ds one leh

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
ck: lampah boh kiu = N!CK

29 May 08, 12:27 AM
naeboo: lampah dio kah=shop having super salesss!!

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
Dodo: boo.. hahahaha

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
afro: lam pah boh jui

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
afro: water rationing

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
Dodo: kiu jui <--- shrink lah

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
naeboo: lampah boh jui= shop no toilet

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
Dodo: lam pah kiu jiu <--- bankrupt?

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
afro: then u cant visit the restroom

29 May 08, 12:28 AM
Chee Hoe: lampah uu jui = shop toilet overflowing

29 May 08, 12:29 AM
afro: lam pah doh liao = bankrupt

29 May 08, 12:29 AM
Dodo: lam pah sey tang

29 May 08, 12:29 AM
naeboo: lampah seh leh= quaint kampung shop

29 May 08, 12:29 AM
Chee Hoe: diu chi pet

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
naeboo: lampah sii ley= shop opened for franchise applications!

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
afro: CH, y u kept throwin pen?

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
naeboo: =[4 biji]

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
Ren: booo: quote all!!! put at coffeeshop!!! HAHAHA

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
CheeHoe is DUMB: cheehoe, eff off.

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
Dodo: yeah.. thats funny enough

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
Chee Hoe: afro : a lot of pen over here

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
Ren: some 1 open thread n put all in XD

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
afro: i c

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
sherry: omg.. hahahahhahahahhahaha

29 May 08, 12:30 AM
afro: how big r they?

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
Michael: sherry: why OMG?

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
Chee Hoe: afro : various sizes

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
afro: can u send them to MARS?

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
Chee Hoe: actually language is such wonderful things

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
naeboo: lampah jii liap= single shop operation

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
Chee Hoe: like ching ching = cheers in spanish

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
afro: oh wait, NASA did that, y dun usend them to venus instead

29 May 08, 12:31 AM
sherry: mike: cz i just LOL-ed in front of my dad who thinks im crazy laughing alone…

29 May 08, 12:32 AM
Michael: sherry: LOL.. what’s new ? LOL …

29 May 08, 12:32 AM
Ren: dodo: faster go open thread XD

29 May 08, 12:32 AM
Michael: imagine those of us that’s at work… :p staffs/colleagues see that happening everyday

29 May 08, 12:32 AM
Dodo: LOL

29 May 08, 12:32 AM
afro: well sherry, tell ur dad u belong to the happy institution

29 May 08, 12:32 AM
naeboo: duah seh lampah= parent shop with smaller outlet

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
naeboo: lampah lampah= gay sex shop

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
sherry: cz i’ve been hving mood swings all day. and i think my mum think’s ‘ve gone mad.. wahahhaa

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
naeboo: HAHAHAHAHAH

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
Dodo: hahahaha

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
Ren: ROTFLMAO WTF!!!

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
naeboo: KEKEKEKEKEKEK

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
afro: mad is gud

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
naeboo: : D

29 May 08, 12:33 AM
Dodo: i cant stop laughin.. fuck.. i need to control!

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: HAHAHAHAHA

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
afro: :3

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: i senyum kambing

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: blame boo!

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Ren: boo: faster leh, open a thread n put in it XD

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: *whacks *

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: lazy lar

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: i need to go sleep ald

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
afro: ya, dun laugh till u pee

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: u copy la

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Michael: *yawns* *leans on Dodo’s chest and sleep*

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Ren: ok…

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Ren: dodo do it la, dodo free :p

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: lampah phi phi= island shop

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
naeboo: HAHAHAHa

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: cheh..

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: u do lah

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Ren: ….

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: lampah wat? WTF!

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Dodo: HAHAHAHA..

29 May 08, 12:34 AM
Chee Hoe: lampah bo lampah = sex change hospital

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Dodo: boo.. u shd sleep d.

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
naeboo: phi phi island in thailand u dont knw meh

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Ren: boo: roger XD

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
naeboo: it started from there mah.. ho* started to translate thai for us

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Dodo: *fans herself ..*

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Dodo: HAHAHAHA

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
naeboo: ===>the beautiful thai language

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
afro: lam pah jin kui = sex change operation xpensive

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
sherry: omg boo! stop!!! LMAO.. i’m already hving stomach cramps and ur making it worse ><

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Chee Hoe: krabi lampah = crab island

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Michael: lam lam pah pah

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Ren: ?

29 May 08, 12:35 AM
Ren: wat title shud i put? “DEFINITIONS of LAMPAH”

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
afro: i think kenny’s post has phiphi island review

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Chee Hoe: i started off as a real thai word lah

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Chee Hoe: mana tau the kscb language all come out

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: as usual lar

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Dodo: boo beautified everything.. LOL

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: alw got one.. this is the less funny one ald

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: im not even lol

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: im not even lol-ing

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
Dodo: alright.. sleep now..

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: i also

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
afro: gudnite

29 May 08, 12:36 AM
naeboo: tata

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: nite guys .

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
sherry: Dodo: boo beautified everything.. LOL <-- she's my idol!!!

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Chee Hoe: nitey

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
afro: i’ll wait 4 everyone to KO

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
aclj87: *struggling to maintain self-control… must not have second jelly donut!*

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
aclj87: nah some asian bakery lol

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
aclj87: was waaaaaay too early for work so went shopping

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
naeboo: i cant even speak hokkien

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
aclj87: and craved sugar more than i craved for sex

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
Dodo: boo.. nvm.. lets have the hakka version

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
naeboo: okies lampah kee kunn liao

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
ck: now u can curse in hokkien d

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
Michael: aclj: is it nice? LOL … how was the texture/ take a bite and see

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
Dodo: HAHAHA.. lampah kee kun… shrink d huh

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
Michael: craved for sugar more than sex? that’s bad wei

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
afro: gudnite boo

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
aclj87: :D

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
naeboo: lampah kee kunn=shop change shift

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
afro: bad 4 health

29 May 08, 12:39 AM
afro: at least sex burn sugar

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: lampah ding teh= shop closed for the nite

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: HAHAHAHAH

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: BOOOOOOOOOOOO

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: enough. tats enough

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: : D

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Chee Hoe: i thought thats “lampah wong fei hung”?

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: mwah

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
sherry: nites dodoa n boo

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Michael: aclj: krispy kreme?

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
steph k: goin 2 bed now

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
aclj87: michael, i wish

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
steph k: nanitez all

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: my hokkien also not that bad eh

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
naeboo: taaaaaa

29 May 08, 12:37 AM
Dodo: no no no..

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
afro: haha, everyone is goin KO

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
Dodo: leave that for tmr… boo .. go sleep

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
sherry: nites stephy!!!!!! mwahs~

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
afro: ur hokkien is superb

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
steph k: lol

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
steph k: nanites

29 May 08, 12:38 AM
Michael: alli: then? j-co?

29 May 08, 12:40 AM
Chee Hoe: hakka…. i only know…. “anyong tou chor mm tet….anyong hair tiu che pet”

29 May 08, 12:40 AM
afro: then how bout lam pah boh eng?

29 May 08, 12:40 AM
Michael: lam pah pet pet

29 May 08, 12:41 AM
afro: lam pah nen nen

29 May 08, 12:42 AM
afro: oh,that chat dieoffd

29 May 08, 12:42 AM
afro: too bad

29 May 08, 12:42 AM
Michael: afro killed the CB

Denial, the other food group

Woman on cell: Ah, apa nak makan malam nih?
[pause]
Pancake tu bukan makanan!!

–Midvalley The Gardens

Proof that inter-state culture shock do happen even amongst literate people

Girl, nonchalantly: I’m going to KK this weekend. What do you want from there?

Himbo: Nothin’.

Girl, muttering: I wonder if I will be tired flying there for 2hours.

Himbo: What??! KK is like, 2hours’ drive from here. Why do you need to fly over? Geez.

Girl: KK is across the ocean. What you mean no need to fly over?

Himbo: What KK are we talking about here? Not Kuala Kangsar meh?

Girl, rolls eyes: I don’t think people EVEN refer to Kuala Kangsar as KK.

Himbo: Well.. I DO! *whimpers* At least, from where I come from!

–Bangsar